Ho, Ho, Ho..

So This Is Christmas

So this is Christmas

but there's no snow at sight
It's not the way that I remember
what I think to weigh December white
So this is Christmas
I don't have much word to give
This is Christmas
Find it in you heart to forgive
'cause this is Christmas time
Rent me for pardon
and I'll make it up to you
the sight screwed up so many times
now my emotions all starts going down
So this is Christmas
I don't have much word to give
This is Christmas
Find it in you heart to forgive
'cause this is Christmas time
You didn't know me then
Now you know me now
You didn't see me back then
But now you see me now
So this is Christmas
I don't have much word to give
This is Christmas
Find it in you heart to forgive
'cause this is Christmas time

Well, well, well.. It's the Advent season & Christmas is NEXT WEEK!!
Woow, it's doesn't really occur in my mind until i have a little daydream just now.
Sadly, i didn't really get to go to a lot of Xmas shopping. But the plus sign is,
i do have my Xmas attires already, so i don't really have to worry about that.
Mum always insist of feminine, decent clothes during the wonderful day of the year so i get myself a dress for the day. A blouse & skirt for the Xmas Eve.
That should be nice, enough to make my family satisfied with how i look that day. I don't want my grandma give me any disturbing look, if you know what i mean.
I know i didn't always look sooo girly in people's eyes. Only on rare occasions so i do know why people somehow twinge when i have that look.

So have i been a bad girl this year in Santa's Xmas list??
Hmm, honestly i don't think so.. More of in trouble without me expecting it.
I'm just happy that i'll be seeing all my dearest cuzzys on that day.
We don't really get to meet often, you know. They have work, studying abroad..
So it felt really good up to gain up the spirit & tighten our family bond.
But as i grow, my Xmas gifts should be getting less than more since its always the little ones who's getting more.
But i don't really mind thou..
The best Xmas gift ever that i should ever get is having all my family there that day.
Having they smile & laugh is truly the best memory ever.

Still.. A little wonder..
What is he going to get me this year??
That's one.
What would the new year brings??
Anyway, we're just human being. We never know what God plans for us.
I never quite understood how life goes.
Every step that we take will totally bring a different way in the road.

Reading the lyrics of that very familiar song above all this, i truly have to say..
it's really different compared to the previous years.
I do screw up a lot of things this year & believe me, i have my regrets.
I totally believe it when people said, it's a day of forgive & forget.
I actually would like to try that.
I don't really want to hold on the grudges in my heart anymore.
No more. You hate me, that's up to you. Really.
I don't want to care anymore & i would like to go on life WITHOUT the grudges.
So take & believe it.
I'm trying to be flexible now, one way or another.
Yet, lessons never sink into my head but i will try.
No promises of becoming better but
I WILL TRY....

Updated.

I know, i know.
I've not been updating my blog, not checking my mails, checking my Facebook & Friendster account, in a better word not surfing the net at all. I don't even reply to most of the texts i receive at my mobile phone.
I was in the anti-social mode in the last few days on the account of hating the unknown miscalls & messages that i received lately. Hate it when people don't understand the message that i'm not interested. Not at all.
I'm not being mean or egoistic or whatsoever they wanna call me. But you just can't help it when you get annoying messages at the wrong time. Questions like
" Are you single?"
" Do you have a boyfriend?"
" Hey, can we be friends?"
" I've got your no from one of your friends."
have really been irritate me. Sometimes thoughts like
" Don't you have something else to do?"
" Are you desperate for company?"
" You really annoying."
comes to mind. But i'm not that evil to do that. I don't mind if it's really my friends who's really just trying to keep in touch but i do hate it when it's anonymous since curiosity do kills. Sometimes it's not entirely has to be the unknown, but some people never just seem to get the message which now i ignore. Soo, that's my news.. I've been avoiding people.

Do i miss people??

Umm let me think. Actually i do miss people but i still don't miss school.
Being in school always makes me ponder deeply about things which something i don't really wanna do at the moment. Maybe there are some of my friends who started studying alreading for SPM & i don't really blame them. It's not a stupid thing to do. I just hope that they don't really waste their entire holiday to study. 'Cause that is a definite stupid.

I did a little revision so that i'm not really left behind. I've been occupying time with training so that i didn't stuck at home. Sleep. Eat. Gain weight. Oops, sory. I know most of us are in that situation nowadays. Ok, I know. Am I’m not sick of training? Hey, there’s really nothing better to do nowadays. Family’s just too busy for vacation.I can’t even recall the last time we had one.

In my list of what i should do now...? I'm thinking of buying X'mas gifts for some special people.
But i'm still clueless of what to get them soo that should be a while..

Well, i really intend to put some pictures here just to glow things up a bit, but since lately i was in the anti-social mood, I didn’t really take any cool photos althought my last weekends have been great. Maybe X'mas pics will do & pictures from the upcoming wedding of my dearest cuzzy..
Owh yeah, if anyone intend to buy me any Xmas gift, just get me some interesting novels. Even if i could not finish it by this year after Xmas, i still can read it during my sports tournament at anywhere. After all, i've always going somewhere for sports for the first semester of the year. If really you have any intend to get me one laa..

Haha hoping everyone have nice holidays. Even if you don't get the oppturnity to go anywhere.

Here's a tag.

Sorry didn't check my blog for a long time. So, i'm not aware this tag by Sulina & i'm gonna do it now as she wish.

1) What is your name?
Ann :)

2) Do you like travelling?
mm hmm yup.

3) Where have you been?
Refreshing back my memories. Ahh hah the whole peninsular M'sia, Korea & Brunei. Not that much actually. Maybe after i graduated from high school.

4)What was the best trip you think?
All the places that i went with my family.

5)When was the best place you can shopping?
KL malls.

6)Which place that you can enjoy the scenery?
Nami Island, South Korea.

7)What is the funniest memory that you still remember?
When i was a little kid, i used to hold any of my parent's hand to be safe. So one day, when we were window shopping at this one place, i was observing people around me & without realising it, i hold this stranger's hand so tightly that he stopped. He give this surprised look & i just stare. At a moment, i was clueless. Then, i realise that wasn't my Papi & i let go his hand. My parents was just looking at me & laughed. I kinda think it's funny thou. It actually gave me goosebumps that time. I was a little kid, ok??

Simple questions & i'm done. Hope your holiday's been great Sulina. I'm not gonna tag anyone this time.

The mail.

Boy, i was exhausted today.
Training today was EXTRAGAVANT, it was really damn tiring but i don't blame Papa Jahat for doing that since it felt really good to go through such a ravenous workout & get it done with.
I wasn't in the mood actually for training. I almost didnt make it.
I almost just pass the training today but hey, something made me gain the courage up to just go for it. I have this guilty feeling if i absent for training or not capable of doing the workout that was given.
Baa baa don't have to say it, i know la baa i'm weird in so many ways but hey, you're not yourself if you can accept your weirdness, isn't it??
I was quite mad today with Eric & my father.
Yes, my FATHER because...
Mmm, well how to say ahh?? I dunno, i just hate the lecture just now he gave to us in the car & hating it more when i look at Eric's sour face, i can read it. It's the " Owh, whatever you say" kind of look. I was damn annoyed with Eric when i have to be the one that's need to be patient when dealing with his attitude.
Ok, maybe i'm overreact about the whole thing because things like this happen in life, situation where by at one point, a sister was annoyed with the little brother.
A stuborn daughter who refuse to listen to anything that was said by her father or mother just because she think that they were wrong. * But you have to admit sometimes they can be wrong but you just don't want to say it to them, afraid that the mother-daughter talk would be longer*
Parents who always said that they were just doing their responsibility to assure safety & karma of their children & a whole lot more. Sometimes you can't just blame them, just because it's human nature.
Somehow i think because the way i'm saying about all this things, i received an email from my dear cousin who's diving now at Mabul, Sipadan. A long way from home. Abang Bob sent me the mail but seriously, it wasn't something that i expected from him.
It open my heart thou about
F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.

He said, 'Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I..
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,

'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.

'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER
(I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

God bless you


That was the mail he sent me & somehow, it touched me just like a pat on my back. Maybe when commplicated situation happens, maybe we should just chill out.
Haha, thanks Abang for sending just the right greetings from there. You read my mind & i find that very surprising.
I have my meany side in me & there's no doubt about that but i understand that being nice looks very hard but yet it's actually very easy.
We have to admit thou being MEAN is very easy but yet, the result is not pretty.
But that's just me.
Who am I to said about things like this?? Hah, just Ann.
* Just for your information, ok.. I'm not being emotional. Not at all*


Family. We might be annoyed with them but we love them anyway 'cause
they are part of our life..

I HAVE THEM!!

Guess what??
Yeah * dancing the owh yeah dance*. I get the books that i longing to read.
Owh yeah, you know exactly what i mean.

This ' babies'. owh yeah, yeah. I got them already.
NEW MOON & ECLIPSE.
Now my days are going to be so much better with this babies. Then, i can start on
THE BREAKING DAWN.
Now i know why people are dying to get this books. There's just so mmm, what's the word?
Tempting. Yeah, that's the word. Now i have the whole set already. Gosh, i'm excited & i'm reading NEW MOON now.
Ok, i might sound so anxious but hey, i got it & i don't have to pay it. Someone bought it for me. Hah. That's between us. *Smiles.*
Despite all the anxiousness of reading it, i just have a tiny dissapointment. Eric & i can't show up for training tomorrow for the first time & why?? Just because we don't have transport. If only i can drive now.
Guess i don't have to worry about swimming now, don't i?? Sighhhhh..
WAAIIITTTTT??!!!
Damn, it's December today. Alalala.. Come on.. Time, just move slowly, ok?? God bless us all. Ok, maybe i'm just worried, i sound really pathetic nowadays.
Going to continue on with the NEW MOON thou with a chocolate. Heehee. Sometimes, i just feel like eating chocolates. Chocolates are just heaven, it's kinda hard to resist actually. And i'm trying not to feel guilty because i have always been adviced not to eat chocolates while having training season.
Once in a while baa & NO ONE can stopped me. Yummy.
Thank you, STEPHANIE MEYER for making such great books!

*Sigh* That's my holiday.

So here i am in front of the laptop on this beautiful Sunday.. Thinking i really don't know what i am suppose to do today.. Reading my blog & looking at it, i think the layout is quite plain but i'm seriously not in the mood of improvising it.. Tomorrow i'm going again to the school athletics training & this time, we will be at Likas for a change of environment.By Tuesday, we'll go for the running & swimming workout. There's a reason for me to worry?? YES.
Because we're going for a swim. It's been like 4 to 5 years since i really dip myself in pool for a swim workout. I'm really not sure if i can swim again. What if i drown?? EEh crazy, what am i thinking??
But REALLY baa.. I really think i can't swim again. Not because i don't want to but i just think i can't. Gosh, whatever laa. We just see what happen.
Anyway, i don't have to go for dress-hunting again for Kak Lon's wedding on December since i found it already. Thank God. Actually, it's not really hard to find a dress, it's just hard to find
a dark blue dress that matches you. One by one of my cuzzys getting married already. Me??
Hmm. Maybe 10 years from now. Just maybe. I really think 26 is the right age to get married. Not to old nor too young. Hah SPM also not yet over.
I think the holidays are going too fast. Another 1 more month before New Year. Maybe it's just me. I'm still not looking forward for next year. Not yet. Just not yet. Some friends i know are dying to get back to school because of the boringness but i think they're crazy. Hey, you don't have to wake up early laa, as early as 5 am everyday. Ok, maybe i do wake up early now for training but still, not that early to get ready.
Hmm, my holiday wasn't that interesting, i guess but at least i didn't stucked at home doing nothing. Feeling like a fatty, lazy, idiot.

By Hans Christian Anderson

The Little Match Seller - A Christmas story

It was terribly cold and nearly dark on the last evening of the old year, and the snow was falling fast. In the cold and the darkness, a poor little girl, with bare head and naked feet, roamed through the streets. It is true she had on a pair of slippers when she left home, but they were not of much use. They were very large, so large, indeed, that they had belonged to her mother, and the poor little creature had lost them in running across the street to avoid two carriages that were rolling along at a terrible rate. One of the slippers she could not find, and a boy seized upon the other and ran away with it, saying that he could use it as a cradle, when he had children of his own. So the little girl went on with her little naked feet, which were quite red and blue with the cold. In an old apron she carried a number of matches, and had a bundle of them in her hands. No one had bought anything of her the whole day, nor had anyone given her even a penny. Shivering with cold and hunger, she crept along; poor little child, she looked the picture of misery. The snowflakes fell on her long, fair hair, which hung in curls on her shoulders, but she regarded them not.

Lights were shining from every window, and there was a savoury smell of roast goose, for it was New-year's eve—yes, she remembered that. In a corner, between two houses, one of which projected beyond the other, she sank down and huddled herself together. She had drawn her little feet under her, but she could not keep off the cold; and she dared not go home, for she had sold no matches, and could not take home even a penny of money. Her father would certainly beat her; besides, it was almost as cold at home as here, for they had only the roof to cover them, through which the wind howled, although the largest holes had been stopped up with straw and rags. Her little hands were almost frozen with the cold. Ah! perhaps a burning match might be some good, if she could draw it from the bundle and strike it against the wall, just to warm her fingers. She drew one out—“scratch!” how it sputtered as it burnt! It gave a warm, bright light, like a little candle, as she held her hand over it. It was really a wonderful light. It seemed to the little girl that she was sitting by a large iron stove, with polished brass feet and a brass ornament. How the fire burned! and seemed so beautifully warm that the child stretched out her feet as if to warm them, when, lo! the flame of the match went out, the stove vanished, and she had only the remains of the half-burnt match in her hand.


She rubbed another match on the wall. It burst into a flame, and where its light fell upon the wall it became as transparent as a veil, and she could see into the room. The table was covered with a snowy white table-cloth, on which stood a splendid dinner service, and a steaming roast goose, stuffed with apples and dried plums. And what was still more wonderful, the goose jumped down from the dish and waddled across the floor, with a knife and fork in its breast, to the little girl. Then the match went out, and there remained nothing but the thick, damp, cold wall before her.

She lighted another match, and then she found herself sitting under a beautiful Christmas-tree. It was larger and more beautifully decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door at the rich merchant's. Thousands of tapers were burning upon the green branches, and coloured pictures, like those she had seen in the show-windows, looked down upon it all. The little one stretched out her hand towards them,
and the match went out.

The Christmas lights rose higher and higher, till they looked to her like the stars in the sky. Then she saw a star fall, leaving behind it a bright streak of fire. “Someone is dying,” thought the little girl, for her old grandmother, the only one who had ever loved her, and who was now dead, had told her that when a star falls,
a soul was going up to God.

She again rubbed a match on the wall, and the light shone round her; in the brightness stood her old grandmother, clear and shining, yet mild and loving in her appearance. “Grandmother,” cried the little one, “O take me with you; I know you will go away when the match burns out; you will vanish like the warm stove, the roast goose, and the large, glorious Christmas-tree.” And she made haste to light the whole bundle of matches, for she wished to keep her grandmother there. And the matches glowed with a light that was brighter than the noon-day, and her grandmother had never appeared so large or so beautiful. She took the little girl in her arms, and they both flew upwards in brightness and joy far above the earth, where there was neither cold nor hunger nor pain, for they were with God.

In the dawn of morning there lay the poor little one, with pale cheeks and smiling mouth, leaning against the wall; she had been frozen to death on the last evening of the year; and the New-year's sun rose and shone upon a little corpse! The child still sat, in the stiffness of death, holding the matches in her hand, one bundle of which was burnt. “She tried to warm herself,” said some. No one imagined what beautiful things she had seen, nor into what glory she had entered with her grandmother, on New-year's day.

Somehow, i like to believe that Santa do exist. Love the story.