2009's finally here..............

So bye bye bye 2008 and hello, hello to 2009..!
2009.......................
The year i've been dreaded the most........
Since i stepped on in high school...
Siggghhhhhhhhhhh........................................................................................
Every year, i said to myself, even anyone i know..
" Lama again that Form 5, no need for me to be worrying so much.."
But..
here is it, and let me say it again..........
My final year of high school....
My final year of MSSM...........
MY SPM YEAR.......
And i'm not even imagining it this time...
Not anymore...........
Someone told me,
" You should never think of the yesterdays because yesterdays is past & it will never come back..
You should move forward & keep trying on being optimistic."
That's what he says..
And yet i never really stop thinking although i tried my best not to,
all the things that just passed by..
It should be like....
A new year, a new chapter in life...
But i'm not sure about myself??
Have i change??
Am i better or worse???
I would never know actually...........
People keep judging me & frankly, i'm sick of it because that is never what i wanted...
I wish things this year would be different & i'm pretty sure it will 'cause my instincts say so..
I know life has never been easy but ............
Thinking of myself, i might be selfish in so many ways but you see, i' ve never really been that bad.... If you know what i mean......
I'm only human & i just hope people around me can try to understand that fact......
I might be the oldest kid in the family but hey, sometimes i need space for myself too........
School will be starting on the day after tomorrow & i'm not even excited about it...
I know it's just gonna be a start of my exhausting, busy, days.....
But i'm not complaining about that.........
Just people who never seem to even try to understand.........
Really, i try. Try my best not to care about those things..
Pressure is on now & making myself busy after quite a long holiday maybe will help me to stop thinking about complicated things....
Just one more year of high school & i really want to find a path for me to go after that phase in life....
Gosh, would i ever know who to talk to about this???
Hmm well just fingers crossed & smile....
Gonna suck everything in & just smile........
Will even try to forget about the nerve breaking moment that i've been through 'cause it haunt me....
Take a deep breath now &
BRING IT ON........................!